I just want to explain, for the record, that I didn’t come up with this idea out of the blue. And if I had, I certainly wouldn’t have had any confidence in it. The truth is, I have a role model who inspired me. She’s single just like me, but she’s gone on more dates than I can count (and I’m sure I’ve only heard about half of them) without ever coming to the conclusion that finding the right guy is a lost cause. We’ve talked about it -- she knows what she’s looking for in a relationship, but she isn’t picturing Mr. Perfect or looking for one hell of a resume. She just hasn’t found a good guy yet, and knows that that’s perfectly fine.
Instead, she does what I should have been doing for a long time, which is taking opportunities and dating all kinds of people. And her goal with the whole thing? To have good stories. This is something I never would have done. I would say, “These are people too -- you can’t go playing with them like that!” And I would worry that I don’t want to play with my emotions either. Too messy. On top of that, spending time in awkward situations is exhausting. I wish I had some magical talent of being impermeable to awkwardness. Who wouldn’t love that? (Maybe this isn’t PC, but I was just thinking that I’d come close to that magic with Asperger’s.) It would make any date a cinch. Overall, I kept up the plan to only say yes to dates that I'm at least mildly hopeful will turn out well.
Not Amy. Guys will ask her out, the kind of guys no girl wants to say yes to, and she'll go. I was once horrified that I was hanging out with a guy I’d just met, and in a lull in conversation he said, “So...do you wanna make out?” I’d just met him! But Amy just rolled her eyes and told me that she’s had far worse interactions with men. And then she told me just how much worse. I’d actually already heard the story of her senior prom date, but this story never ceases to amaze me. This guy at school asked her to prom and then because she said yes, he got the idea that they were dating or something similar. She went to hang out at his house, where they sat in the family room, on the couch awkwardly, because his grandmother, Granny, was sitting on a Lay Z Boy in her underpants in the room as well. Amy went to check her phone because she’d gotten a text, and it was from this guy. Sitting right next to her he’d texted, “Do you want to hold my hand?” With a smiley face! I wouldn’t even know how to respond. And then she still went to prom with him which was an adventure of its own.
On another date, Amy went out for coffee with a guy, and he’d been texting with her a little bit before the date. They were sitting in Starbucks talking, and he seemed okay until a bunch of Arab men came into the store. At this point her date changed the subject to blatantly racist comments about these people, and how much he disliked them until he eventually asked if she and he could leave the store. So they went outside and were sitting down when he farted right next to her. The most I can say for this guy is that he actually owned up to it.
On a more recent date, Amy met a guy on her flight home from New York. They discovered that they lived pretty close to each other and exchanged numbers. (Amy claims jet lag and sleep deprivation played a big part in her thinking this guy was normal.) Later they went on a date which was kind of boring. Her date told her how he’d been to three universities in the last three years, which Amy found interesting so she asked him why. He said he’d beaten up his roommate at the first two schools and got banned from returning to them. Amy concluded that she was on a date with a serial killer. She texted all of her friends, “If I don’t come home tonight, I’m dead. Not a joke.” Luckily she made it home safe and sound.
And she continues to go on dates. Amy has seen far more of the world than me and gotten to know all kinds of people too. She wants to see even more places and meet more people in fact. She doesn’t mind the idea that traveling a lot makes relationships difficult to maintain. And she doesn’t take one moment to believe that she’ll be swept away on her next visit to Europe or South America or anything else. If she did, I think her practicality would still bring her back to the conclusion that those kinds of relationships are crazy, and certainly not what she wants. I’m honestly amazed at how clear-minded she is all the time. And the way that she’ll continue dating guys because "if it’s a bad date, it’s a good story." could just be the smartest thing I’ve ever heard of. It’s a no-lose scenario. So no matter what, my role model is doing the right thing, inspiring me on the side, and all and all, being a pretty brave soul with a really healthy outlook on the idea of dating.
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