My Story

So here it is: I’m 20 years old and Prince Charming has not arrived on my doorstep yet. Average Joe is a little late too. In fact, nobody at all has done anything to indicate he wants to stay around me longer than a single hook up. Normally I don’t care because these facts occupy a tiny part of my brain when I have way more important shit to do everyday. It’s honestly not until summer hits, when I have the free time to daydream all day and an apartment to myself (which could use an occasional extra guest) that I suddenly feel this gaping hole in my life. And what can you do about it? All summer my siblings grappled with real issues like whether or not they’ll graduate next semester, or find a job that pays enough for rent and food, or if they should deliberately miss their flight home and stay abroad for an extra semester. Me, I sat on my couch desperately trying to live the glamorous single girl’s life, aching to see Sex and the City because I was sure Carrie would give me clues about how to deal with my loneliness better. Sadly, she didn’t. I have all the same components as her; great friends, work/school that I love doing, plans for going out in my city as often as possible, etc., etc. The only thing I’m missing is a Berger, an Aidan, or a Big. 

And the thing is, I’m not alone here. It took me forever to really talk about it with anyone. It’s a sucky issue. It’s painful and embarrassing and confusing. I was convinced that if I talked to my older sister, she would scoff at my ridiculousness. None of us wants to admit that we worry about finding someone who’s real.  And I don’t know about you guys, but I always want to appear as a strong, confident young woman, not the girl lying awake at night wondering why fate hates her so much. 

I know that the best anyone can tell me is, “Be patient. It’ll happen.” I just can’t do that anymore. I’m not a patient person at all. I can be patient if it’s calculated, if I know the payoff makes the patience worth it. But dear God, I can’t see what man on earth could possibly make all that pain and torture this summer worth the wait. I’d need a hundred men to make up for the time I spent feeling embarrassed that my biggest issue is about boys rather than real life stuff.

So while I could sit here and ask myself a variety of questions about why this is such as, “Where the hell is he?!” or, “What can’t boys see in me? Are they blind?” all roads lead to tears, puffy faces, and the deathtrap question: “What’s wrong with me?” The thing is, if you’re asking yourself this question, then I guarantee there are far worse girls out there who magically have boyfriends, boy toys, and fuck buddies all on speed dial. If boys will go after sluts, Stage 5 clingers, girls who drink their feelings and cry all night, and the ones who are blatantly just using men for their money, then there’s clearly no equation for how this works. 

So I decided I’m not gonna work on it anymore. No more wondering where he is. No more thinking that you’re too old to still be single. No more pining over some guy who talked to you a couple times and then nothing happened. Even if you think he’s actually really cool. Nope, I’m throwing in the towel on absolutely everything. The whole game of emotions and disappointed hopes. And instead, I’m going to start dating for the hell of it. Everybody and anybody. I’ve never done it before and it will be a delightful experiment, because the way I’m doing it, nothing’s going to come of it. I’ll date with no filter (or almost no filter), so 99% of the dates will be a waste of time (minus the long list of new restaurants I want to try) and in the next 8 months, I’ll get to have fun and see what fishies the sea has to offer. I’m taking a sampling of them all. 

Before I start on this endeavor, I thought a few things out first. Number one, I’ll change all the boys’ names when I talk about them here. Second, I’ll need help from some friends, so they’ll be in on my plan, but they aren’t telling anybody else about it. (You guys better not.) And lastly, total honesty on the blog. Some dates will be terrible. Some with be nice. And ideally, I’ll have a few that are so ridiculous or hilarious that you guys laugh harder than me when I share them.  

I also set out ground rules for this project. 

The rules:

1)  At least one new date every month, for the next 8 months.

2)  No dating guys I already know. (Unless they ask me out, then see Rule #3.)

3)  The Yes Clause

Part A: If a guy asks me out, I have to say yes. If I’m indifferent to the first date and he     asks me out again, I have to say yes. If he asks me out a third time and I’m still indifferent, he needs to get a clue. But, I guess I have to say yes. After that, I get to make my own decisions.

Part B: No forced dates. I don’t (and won’t) say yes to a guy who doesn’t actually want to go out with me, but some friends of mine talked him into it. No begging and no bribing, ladies. Just help me encourage the semi-interested ones. 

A note: Just to clarify, throwing in the towel is specifically in regards to waiting for Prince Charming. There is no reason to stop becoming even more of the Coolest Person Ever, ever.

I’ll post again when something (date or date request) happens. 

Let’s get started!