Ode & Co.

Saturday morning I overslept and arrived at the conference late. 10 seconds in the door, I ran into Ode, who wasn't there to learn, but to network. Like I said, high powered guy. He never misses an opportunity to stalk possible job leads, all while looking dashing in a dark, well-fitted suit. His involvement in the environmental justice community is actually amazing. People Iʼve emailed or worked with briefly are good friends of his. I talked with strangers all morning; he met up with old pals.

Anyway, the conference had almost nothing to do with Date 3. We met up after lunch, where the two of us and a few of his friends went to an apple orchard. I tried hard not to, but I couldnʼt help judging him for the fact that all of his friends are girls. Ode told me point blank that 95% of the numbers in his phone are girlsʼ. Why doesnʼt he want to make friends with males? I like boys. Boys are nice. What does he have against them? I really think heʼs missing something if he doesnʼt value friendships of his own sex. Boys and girls think differently, and thereʼs a lot to be said for being around other guys.

After the apple orchard, we went to a memorial concert back at the conference, and lastly dinner at a place close to campus. After each stop we lost a few people, and sadly, only the people I liked were the ones leaving. By the time we got to the restaurant, I was absolutely sick of Odeʼs last two friends. One was a vegan who did it “on principle, to save lives,” yet had no idea what she was doing, and the other was an atheist who had to pick a fight that night just because she knows Ode is religious. Ode told me she does this every time he sees her. On top of that, The Atheist kept saying that The Vegan was Odeʼs girlfriend as a joke. Like what? Nobody found that funny.

By the end of the night, I was feeling a lot closer to Ode because he was the one person that Iʼm familiar with, instead of these other two that I openly could not stand. I think Ode was a bit tired of them, too, and was probably feeling something similar about me. He walked me home after that and gave me a big hug good night.

Look at me, Iʼve completed 3 dates! I can say no if he asks me out again! For the entire weekend, I wasnʼt sure what I wanted to happen next. I like hanging out with Ode, but I donʼt like him. And I am deathly afraid of leading anybody on, so I really felt pressure to make a decision over whether I wanted to date him or not. I was afraid to tell him no because rejecting people is scary. And I didn't want to burn a bridge. I was also afraid to say, “I need more time,” because I thought that would imply that eventually Iʼll make a positive decision. I thought about saying yes to being his girlfriend, but that would only put off the inevitable, “Iʼm just not that into you.” And it would stress me out while I navigated those next deeper waters of dating. After dating Ode, I've come to realize that this project will only teach me about the first few steps in dating, and that if I donʼt want to, I never have to go further. Which is cool, because honestly, that next phase is intimidating. Iʼm much more familiar with the “become friends, then one day you flip the switch” kind of relationships, as opposed to this whole dating thing. Everything is so intentional, and I think things have a tendency to move faster and that feelings get inflated.

I have a lot of concerns about this issue, needless to say.

I spent the next few days agonizing over how I was going to man up and tell Ode how I feel. Nobody else agonized. Everyone I talked to said to just do it. They made it sound so easy! If thereʼs a scale for hurting boysʼ feelings mercilessly vs. handling them like fragile glass, I lean way toward the donʼt-touch-it-or-youʼll-break-it end of things. I figured that being honest with Ode would be a big step for me.

Unfortunately, things worked out far more conveniently than I had hoped. He texted me this week out of the blue and asked me if weʼre dating, “just for clarity.” I said, “No I donʼt think weʼre dating,” and that was it. Done deal. So simple! Iʼm not leading him on, and heʼs not going to try any further. Of course, I have no idea how he feels about my response, but can you ever really know that kind of thing? Regardless, I'm now a single girl again, and I'm on the hunt for my next date. Mr. November, here I come!

Ode...Could You Repeat That?

Ode and I had a big test in our geology class this week, so we spent late nights in the computer lab studying with all of our classmates. In a normal dating situation, I imagine that the two people don’t interact nearly this much between their first and second date, but we weren’t so lucky. Another gray area. Delicious. 

In that time, I learned that this kid still drives me crazy! Whenever I expect him to be serious, he’s making a joke at me. Whenever I think he’s being jocular, I try to play back, and that’s when he’s being serious. When I really want to talk about what we’re learning in class because I need help or have a question, he never says, “I don’t know the answer either, let’s figure it out.” He just toys with me until I get fed up and ask somebody else. The word that keeps running through my head to describe Ode is obnoxious. In all honesty, I feel a lot of frustration because I am trying to get to know him better but we never seem to click.

So I have to admit that our disconnect stems from a communication barrier. And it’s amplified 10-fold every time he texts me. When he talked about going out for a second time, I wasn’t sure if he was referring to me or our lab teacher. He kept talking about going to get Mexican food with our teacher, which I’m like 60% sure was a joke, but he has tons of typos and his phone uses some kind of autocorrect, so none of the text made sense. I was thoroughly confused. Even with two friends helping me, I had to guess at what he was saying. I didn’t know how to respond so I said, “Oh I love Mexican food. I haven’t had it in forever.” Then he asked if I was hinting as something! I was like, Dude are you hinting at something? Because please, fill me in.

However, he did drop some promising hints. He asked me if I have a boyfriend (in that backwards “I bet your boyfriend thinks…” kind of way), he called our date a date, he told me I’m “an awesome girl,” and he made a half-joke about what he does with girls he likes. He also brought out the Good Night Text. I’m not a fan of good night texts. It’s like a hug that you don’t want. Unless I’m thinking of saying good night too, it’s just an awkward reminder that this person thinks about you as they go to sleep. Or they think about you falling sleep. Which is perhaps not creepy, but strange to me. I don’t know. Maybe I’m crazy. But I don’t like hearing it too early on.

Our date was awesome, just like the first. It was actually a lot longer, with more talking. He told me some great stories, we joked about our professors, and we talked about sharing personal information, too. (He’s really direct, I only share if I’m asked). We also had some great food, though I’m honestly not sure what part of the pig I was eating in my tacos.

As he drove me home, he offered to carpool to our environmental science conference the next morning, but I turned him down because my sister had already agreed to drive me. So he said okay and drove off without a word. No "good night". No hug. It’s like we were just friends.

I ended that night really confused. I mean, I know how I feel about him -- not a romantic interest, but still an impressive and admirable guy - but what about the things he hopes for with me? Did he change his mind? Did I miss something?

Ode a.k.a. Captain Planet

Last weekend I went to Bancroft, Ontario for a geology field trip. (I know, can you believe they do field trips in college?) Bancroft is the mineral collecting capital of the world, so it was great from a geologist’s perspective and also from a get-to-know-your-classmates perspective. 

It was a twelve hour ride, a minivan full of five new faces, and frequent stops on the side of the road to talk about rocks. Not my ideal vacation. But good lordy, I never knew how attractive all the boys in my department are! It was like, take your pick! Well, I didn’t have to. There were two guys in my van, and over the weekend I got to know them both pretty well. Mark was sitting up front; he’s really chill and laid back, but when he talks he actually has cool stuff to share. Ode (pronounced "O-dee") was sitting next to me in the van, and he’s a high powered kind of guy. Social activist, dissatisfied with the state of the world, etc, etc, and talking to me nonstop, with probing questions and silly banter the whole ride up. By day two he had already asked me out. So I set a date with him for this week then carried on with my weekend of rocks. (And drinking! Geology majors love their beer. My prof loves his scotch. A liquor stop was incorporated into the itinerary. I got to buy for my very first time!)

Maybe the future date had something to do with it, or maybe it was the fact that I was crammed between Ode and another girl in the back seat for 8+ hours, but by the return ride on Sunday, this kid was driving me nuts. None of his banter was funny; it was obnoxious. And he kept picking on me because the temperature in the car was a million degrees. On top of that, I seriously didn’t want to have a deep conversation with him about anything. Dude, just let me sleep/be miserable. When we all got back to school I was happy to leave that cramped car and never look back. 

The date was on Wednesday, and Ode texted me Sunday night and Tues afternoon, both at times where I was really busy and couldn’t respond adequately. So I pared it down to the basics: Are we still going on a date? What time? Like I said, the kid was driving me crazy, so I wasn’t super excited about making plans together. But, I’d said yes to the date, and I wasn’t going to drop out even if I wasn’t really into Ode like that.

Judging by his response texts, he wasn’t into me either! He said he’d confirm the date late Tuesday night. No text. So I asked him what had happened last night on Wednesday morning. (Pushing my pride aside, I couldn’t pass up a chance for a date.) He said, “oh yea...so what time?” Like he’d forgotten he had this date to do. I was thinking, I may have friend-zoned you, but you asked me out! You can’t friend zone me too! I was fully prepared to go on this date both participants being totally unenthused. 

I have to take it all back. This was a really nice date. We went out for dinner, he paid and wouldn’t let me argue, and complimented me throughout the evening, but not in a creepy way. Ode is really fascinating. He’s done so much for environmental justice already, organizing youth groups, leading a student org (SEAL- Student Environmental Action Leaders), staging rallies, and he’s only 23. I mentioned that I have a mentor who is a big community leader and CEO of a growing non-profit in the city, and he already knew her! He’d actually worked with her while doing community forums for a city redevelopment project. 

The artist has started adding her own commentary. This could get interesting.
This is her depiction of Ode.

Needless to say, we had a ton to talk about, and the conversation stayed strong for all of dinner. Afterwards, he drove me home where he gave me a big hug and asked if I’d be interested in going out again sometime. Had to say yes. 

This is actually where the Yes Clause is designed to work. I’m not into Ode. It’s just not there for me. I want to be friends with him because he is so cool, but in the real world, I would face the struggle of saying no to a date and then saying, “Let’s just be friends.” Instead, I’m saying yes to Date 2, and giving him another shot. In reality, I’m giving myself another shot at seeing something more than my initial appraisal. Maybe I miss some great qualities in guys because I’ve already decided that they aren’t gonna sweep me off my feet. If that’s the case, then I ought to be giving everyone a second chance, and better yet, truly reserving judgement for a bit. I know that’s nearly impossible, but being non-judgmental is something to aim for. Being open-minded has never hurt anything. That same open-mindedness got me into this project...

Also, check out the new gadget on the sidebar that gives a shout out to my amazing artist who does all the drawings!