Ode & Co.

Saturday morning I overslept and arrived at the conference late. 10 seconds in the door, I ran into Ode, who wasn't there to learn, but to network. Like I said, high powered guy. He never misses an opportunity to stalk possible job leads, all while looking dashing in a dark, well-fitted suit. His involvement in the environmental justice community is actually amazing. People Iʼve emailed or worked with briefly are good friends of his. I talked with strangers all morning; he met up with old pals.

Anyway, the conference had almost nothing to do with Date 3. We met up after lunch, where the two of us and a few of his friends went to an apple orchard. I tried hard not to, but I couldnʼt help judging him for the fact that all of his friends are girls. Ode told me point blank that 95% of the numbers in his phone are girlsʼ. Why doesnʼt he want to make friends with males? I like boys. Boys are nice. What does he have against them? I really think heʼs missing something if he doesnʼt value friendships of his own sex. Boys and girls think differently, and thereʼs a lot to be said for being around other guys.

After the apple orchard, we went to a memorial concert back at the conference, and lastly dinner at a place close to campus. After each stop we lost a few people, and sadly, only the people I liked were the ones leaving. By the time we got to the restaurant, I was absolutely sick of Odeʼs last two friends. One was a vegan who did it “on principle, to save lives,” yet had no idea what she was doing, and the other was an atheist who had to pick a fight that night just because she knows Ode is religious. Ode told me she does this every time he sees her. On top of that, The Atheist kept saying that The Vegan was Odeʼs girlfriend as a joke. Like what? Nobody found that funny.

By the end of the night, I was feeling a lot closer to Ode because he was the one person that Iʼm familiar with, instead of these other two that I openly could not stand. I think Ode was a bit tired of them, too, and was probably feeling something similar about me. He walked me home after that and gave me a big hug good night.

Look at me, Iʼve completed 3 dates! I can say no if he asks me out again! For the entire weekend, I wasnʼt sure what I wanted to happen next. I like hanging out with Ode, but I donʼt like him. And I am deathly afraid of leading anybody on, so I really felt pressure to make a decision over whether I wanted to date him or not. I was afraid to tell him no because rejecting people is scary. And I didn't want to burn a bridge. I was also afraid to say, “I need more time,” because I thought that would imply that eventually Iʼll make a positive decision. I thought about saying yes to being his girlfriend, but that would only put off the inevitable, “Iʼm just not that into you.” And it would stress me out while I navigated those next deeper waters of dating. After dating Ode, I've come to realize that this project will only teach me about the first few steps in dating, and that if I donʼt want to, I never have to go further. Which is cool, because honestly, that next phase is intimidating. Iʼm much more familiar with the “become friends, then one day you flip the switch” kind of relationships, as opposed to this whole dating thing. Everything is so intentional, and I think things have a tendency to move faster and that feelings get inflated.

I have a lot of concerns about this issue, needless to say.

I spent the next few days agonizing over how I was going to man up and tell Ode how I feel. Nobody else agonized. Everyone I talked to said to just do it. They made it sound so easy! If thereʼs a scale for hurting boysʼ feelings mercilessly vs. handling them like fragile glass, I lean way toward the donʼt-touch-it-or-youʼll-break-it end of things. I figured that being honest with Ode would be a big step for me.

Unfortunately, things worked out far more conveniently than I had hoped. He texted me this week out of the blue and asked me if weʼre dating, “just for clarity.” I said, “No I donʼt think weʼre dating,” and that was it. Done deal. So simple! Iʼm not leading him on, and heʼs not going to try any further. Of course, I have no idea how he feels about my response, but can you ever really know that kind of thing? Regardless, I'm now a single girl again, and I'm on the hunt for my next date. Mr. November, here I come!